Comments by "Okunniger Volker" (@Okunniger_Volker) on "GriffinMind"
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6:30 when you find out your girl is cheating, don't react, be proactive.
This is a lesson I learned years back, what you do is pretend like you know nothing, go about your life as normal, but pick a date, maybe in two weeks, maybe in two months, but on that date you're gone forever.
No debates, no reasons given, no arguments, just watch how much she pretends to love you, see what a snake she is, and when that date comes be ready, change your number, if she knows where you wirk try to transfer but dont tell her where, change or delete social media.
Remember, if she cheated, she doesn't love you, she absolutely thought about you while getting ran through and she turned her back on you knowingly.
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 @LoLaSn well if he's around her that much, vetting her by getting to know her family and friends, he would've known. If you don't do this, you're marrying a woman you know nothing about. Only unwise men and simps do that. So either one he jumped into marriage which is such a horrible idea, or two he was aware, in either case, as C.S. Lewis once said "life is a brutal teacher, but you learn, my God do you learn." Sad part is, he will waste his vest years learning that cruel lesson the hard way.
As I see it, if I go to pet a grizzly bear because I don't understand their nature, who is at fault for the impending mauling? Me, or the creature acting out it's nature. And if I do so and get mauled, do I blame the bear? Or do I blame my own stupidity? I think that depends on if you want to relinquish your life to mere fate and take on the role of NPC, or if you want to rise above and have some control over your life. This lesson I learned from a cheating ex and I hope all men learn quicker than I did, but, ultimately, I have no one to blame but myself.
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I view relationships a lot like children. So long as their needs are met (your own in regards to the dating world) then it should be fine.
Imo your needs would be a growing savings account, ownership or progress made towards ownership of a house, basically just basic wise financial decisions. Beyond that if a woman is concerned with how much I make she's for the streets. Unless you're trying to be a Rockefeller (good luck, they'd off you if you ever got close) then stop trying to flex with their money, it's laughable.
That being said, it's my personal opinion that a man should be seeking to be and do the best he can in every aspect of life, not for women, not for others, but for the pursuit of virtue alone.
If it's for anyone, it should be for his children and or to lift others up and enable others to live more virtuous lives, not more gluttonous or materialistic lives.
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Chick at 7:35
Doesn't seem to understand that she's not just competing with other women, shes also competing with the absence of women.
For instance, lets call her Tammy; Tammy here is a drain on my peace by about -2pts, but Amanda is a drain on my peace by about -3pts, however, simply having no woman means I have my peace in full measure.
I can build the house, I can furnish the house, I can decorate the house, organize the house and make myself any kind of food, wash my cloths ect cause ya know, Im a stronk Nd independence mann an I dunt need nuh whaymen!
People seem to have become so emotionally codependent that they forget the only reason to be in a relationship with someone is because you genuinely enjoy them and love them, not because your mommy or daddy issues wont let you sleep alone at night without going crazy.
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I'm gonna try to make this short but remember this.
A study was done at a preschool, kids who liked coloring were given rewards for doing so, after the rewards were removed the kids stopped even though they use to do it for the joy of it. Eventually they went back to it but what this showed is by rewarding a behavior the kids attention shifted to the reward and they lost the joy of doing what they use to.
Moral is, focus on the effort, learn to love the effort, the lifestyle, the rewards will come, just always focus on the effort as being all the reward you need, it'll propel you and push you beyond your current limitations.
Also if you haven't, go listen or read the poems
The man in the Arena: Teddy Roosevelt
If: Rudyard Kipling
Proof Of Worth by Edgar Albert Guest
That last one I stumbled across the day my daughter died and I can't listen to it because of that, but these are some of the greatest bits of advice on masculinity here in these poems.
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@h.u.l.k.7072Â that's as far as I know, and I don't know how solid that is, I had this boss years back (woman) who took her husband to court over it and he had to spend a night in jail and then basically shag her within a week and also start marriage counseling. That being said, it was a woman who took the man to court, I doubt modern judges would rule the same if it were a man.
But yeah sex is important in a relationship, I know there will be "dry times" here and there throughout a long marriage depending, but there really shouldn't be.
Plus statistically speaking, couples who have sex 5+ times a week on average make significantly more money than those who have sex 3 or less times per week.
And lastly, a joke a 90 something year old man told me one time, he said every once in a while he'll stay up later than usual, sit in his chair in the living room reading or something, and when his wife (who was standing there when he told the joke) fell asleep he'd go get a glass of water, go to the room and toss the water on her. She would of course wake up cussing and ask him what the hell he was doing, he'd reply that he was bringing her a glass of water for her headache to which she would reply that she didn't have a headache and he would say; OK, well now that's out of the way.
It's funnier in person and from a old man, made my day, that couple was fantastic, out and about regularly and had a great relationship, always smiling.
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5:49 I have to disagree with you here man. Women are a bonus, but Alexander the Great, Atilla the Hun, Genghis Khan ect did what they did for glory, to build, to conquer, to make a great name either for themselves, or their posterity.
A father absolutely takes care of and invests in his family, but even culturally in the west and historically Christian nations this is how you were supposed to live not for them, but for God. "Anyone who loves their father or mother, son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me." Matthew 10:37
The point of being benevolent is not primarily for the sake of those who are under your care, but as a responsibility to God and your relationship with Him.
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But truth be told, if you really want her to want it more, 1: never bring it up and on occasion withold it. Tease her.
And 2: make sure she's getting enough sunlight, if that's not a option vitamin D3 with K2 can help a little if those are low.
Also ice baths.
And remove stimulants like sugar, add in other stuff like garlic, oysters, and foods rich in omega 3 fatty acids.
In my opinion, sex hormones are one of the better metrics of over all health, birth control generally negatively fucks with these things even if it's been a long time since she's used them.
And make sure she gets the blood flowing regularly, dosent need to be a lot, but at least 150 minutes per week, so go to a park and play soccer with her or go hiking regularly. Also saunas do boost HGH if you stay in them long enough at a hot enough temp, if memory serves me right 185-200°F, 30 minutes in, 10 out, 30 in again, 4hr break and repeat once every two weeks. This increases HGH by 1600%.
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​@kaputasri in my home I am führer, my wife knows this and knows why it's important.
Now I jest of course, however I require that she stays engaged and invests in the relationship, it's important to understand that yes, it takes two to tango and if you allow a woman to get by doing absolutely nothing, she will fall out of love with you, but what you invest in your will grow close to.
If someone wants to make a relationship last, not only do they need to be investing, but so does the other and it needs to be understood that if someone fails in this, no matter how well meant they are, it will end for them before it becomes a nightmare and then ends overtly.
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 @bobkudla6960 spot on.
I learned how to drive on a manual geo metro, first attempt was on a inclined gravel hill lol. First car was also a manual and I prefer them for sure.
Right now I've just got a 08 Subaru outback and dude, such a pile of crap! I mean I've not been kind to it lol. Around 220k miles I completely blew the engine, a piston ring must have come out and jammed the cylinder or something cause the piston itself was blown to pieces and sitting in the oil pan, did a engine swap for a newer engine that had just under 10k miles on it. Never touched the transmission but the fluid is clean so I'm not gonna risk that. But the electrical is crap and being a boxer engine you've gotta remove the engine if you wanna do any head work which includes adjusting the valves.
Also I've high centered it before and that fancy all wheel drive goes out the window, had to have the wife drive it while I used a log to pry the read end to get it out. Plus because it's not new and not American replacement parts are hit or miss, most are total crap and those that aren't are over priced.
I worked at Subaru and could get parts cheap so thats why I got it, don't work there anymore though and no matter what anyone tells you, they are city cars only, they are not cut out for much more than that and they don't even do that very well, crap gas mileage for a little commuter.
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@VoiceOvaGuy one of the biggest issues in modern culture, weather you're religious or not, is that nothing is sacred. Yes we need to question our preconceived notions, but we also need some degree of things considered holy/sacred or similar, things that keep us grounded, focused, sincere and genuine.
Without that, well, everything is a joke, nothing is serious yet everything is overly serious ect ect.
One of these things in my opinion is marriage: a relationship is either monogamous or not, if it's not why does it need a label? (That's done to justify promiscuity, because without it it's just promiscuity. And if every other relationship is basically equal to marriage and marriage isn't really that good of a thing then why label anything?
The fabric of society breaks down when culture has nothing sacred.
Some say they want a pure woman, but we are all born pure and are corrupted, what I think men really want is a feminine, righteous woman, purity + wisdom, because that purity will last and is far more ladylike, graceful, noble ect.
I say this because much of this kind of language (holy, sacred, righteous) are viewed today as being basically strictly religious, but that's kinda it, though I would say that the vast majority of people who are religious don't actually believe what they claim (because if you genuinely believe in a God who has standards and is just, that's a scary thing, not comforting), yet still this language in my opinion hits the nail on the head and points to a serious human issue that cannot go without being addressed.
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 @VoiceOvaGuy scarry because if He has standards and is just, some, maybe even many or all will fall short, and the wrath of a angry God would be objectively terrifying.
I definitely agree with you on morals, one thing I though about years back was, even if there is not a God, morals are still quite objective to a degree, you would have to assume certain things like growth being good and death being bad, maybe how you would look at managing a ecosystem or issue hunting/fishing licenses based on how many of that species their are.
But assuming that you want a plant to grow well, you would have to give it the right amount of sun and water, not to much or to little, the proper soil composition ect.
Humans cannot be hedonistic, and still be physically and psychologically healthy, there has to be a balance. We cannot work to much or to little ect ect.
It was looking at the world through this sort of naturalist lense that led me to believe that the Christian God is real.
There are far far to many "coincidences" in Proverbs alone and I've not seen anything close to that in any other serious religion.
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Yeah, a good and based group of guy friends is important. Go to the gym, study your @$$ off, pursue your goals, have a plan, put women on the back burner till at least 23, destroy your vices, build yourself into a leader and things will sort out in time, just do not invest more attention into women than you do any single self improvement goal you have, don't date, talk but don't date, make sure you are comfortable with failure, do not be outcome dependent, challenge yourself starting with the little things, cold shower, ice bath, teach yourself to be disciplined and it WILL pay off, and when it does it will pay off real real good.
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@jimmcneal5292Â maybe extreme is a poor description, what I mean by that is his more narrow focus on wealth accumulation. It could use more balance because while it's important to always grow in that respect, that is ultimately a battle that only a handful will ever be truly successful, the Rothschilds/Vanguard/Blackrocks of the world. However since we have to engage in that world in order to survive, we should be good at it to some degree, but it shouldn't be our sole or even primary focus and it is making its one sole or primary focus that benifits those in control of it all the most, but we will always be playing a losing game in that regard and if you get to good at it (if that's even possible) you'll end up missing or magically self delete like you had dirt on the Clinton's style.
So focusing to much on that is just a good way to go insane and lose out on the more meaningful aspects of life.
Balance is important and so extreme is a bad descriptor, but maybe he needs to be a little more foundational. I would say it's important, even unto death, to live according to virtues, one example might be strength, mental and physical, this would encompass many things including wealth, but wealth would not be the point and so it would simply become a tool and a metric to measure your strength in that regard.
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​ @someone-ji2zb preach king!
That being said I agree 100%, not to mention instead of wasting that time and energy on women the young men would be spending it on personal growth, physical, financial, spiritual ect and be in a much better position in life, and as what was normal and still is in many places, when mom and dad get old you take them in (no CNAs beating your parents in their old age) and they impart their wisdom to your children as they grow, grandparents can be fantastic in this way, they add to the familial life, grandma with her recipes and help around the house, grandpa with his light hearted mentoring of the boys and teaching them how to build things.
That multi-generational structure worked amazingly and it's a shame much of the west has lost its mind and bent itself on hedonism and self idolatry. The insecurities simultaneously being thick in the air. It's sad all around, maybe some day when things have gotten bad enough people will realize they should return to Christ.
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It's actually stupid easy to lead dude. First as for a date, just pick somewhere YOU want to eat, basically it's just a excuse to eat at your favorite place or just a place you enjoy.
If she dosent like it, then I guess you could pay, otherwise she should've spoken up and picked the place.
As far as other aspects of leadership, if a woman won't follow, then you can't lead her, women keep saying they want a man to take initiative but that they don't want to submit, complete contradiction.
So basically, you just live your life and bring her for the ride, if she gets contentious then you kick her to the curb.
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Not only that, but also just don't be contentious. When a woman takes a argumentative/opposing stance towards you she's overtly disrespecting you. It's one thing to disagree and talk about the best way forward/solution, but when her attitude becomes opposed to you, that is the beginning of the end if you don't nip it in the ass and it seems this kind of thing had to have been present before she is overtly disrespectful towards you in public or private.
I like a saying from the John Wayne movie The Quiet Man (great movie by the way), this little Irishman says "when I drink whiskey, I drink whiskey and when I drink water, I drink water."
In the context he was being literal, but I applied that to the friends/enemies dynamic, either we're friends, we're nothing more than associated (or I just don't even know you exist) or we're enemies. I don't do that friend enemies crap, never mix the two, she can either work with you, or work against you, and if she decides to work against you and dosent accept correction on that, then she's chosen where she wants to be and it ain't by your side or on your team.
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Maybe not aggressive per say but without fear and with absolute authority. The dog must obey you, or be put in it's place just like the leader of any pack would do.
The reason I split hairs here is because if you go all out, the dog will sense this and knowing it is in legitimate danger it will refuse to submit out of fear that you won't show mercy. If you give it that way out though while showing authority they will often submit and tone their own aggression down faster and more readily.
Though, in this situation, that authority would suit you better in regard to protecting your turf and pack which the dog is well aware it is in the act of invading and attacking, in this case if you pursue the dog will outrun, you have to play the cards right, act slightly non aggressive/authoritative and then when it comes within reach grab it, beat the crap out of it and pin it to the ground, on its back or side with its stomach exposed and it's head pinned with its throat exposed and hold it there until it stops struggling and submits.
By doing this you're defending your pack and turf, dominating it, and leaving it with a painful message to stay off your turf and away from your pack from then on. And of course that is only if the dog lives, which in this case I would say would be unwise.
Dogs know the difference between a adult and child and that dog picked your human child as a target, it should be put down.
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This is one reason why I don't like the whole tradwife BS.
Because the vast majority of history the vast majority of women weren't cooking on gas stoves, vacuuming nicely carpeted floors or hardwood floors with a swiffer, the house wasn't heated or lit with electricity and so on.
Women were not just cooking, cleaning and taking care of baby, they were working their assess off.
Only until about the 1900s did these things become a luxury with the industrial revolution leading to mass production and even then most didn't have most of those things until just prior to the 1950s when we began to see mass advertisement for those luxuries, and that is just in the western world.
That aside, even the Biblical description of the ideal woman (the woman of virtue) is doing a ton of work from buying land to planting vinyards, doing so much work to the point it says her arms are made strong.
That being said, there has to be a balance. If you require to little, she will have to much time and will lose respect for you. Every single human needs adaptive stressors in their lives or we begin to atrophied, morally, physically and intellectually, we are designed to work and stay busy and to have goals and a purpose.
By saying a guy needs to make X amount in the context of dating, you're falling into their trap of having to be materialistic and provide a life of materialism in order to be worthy, and while I recognize that abundance is great, it can also be very destructive, one look at the western world proves this to be the case, even looking at history and myth and its obvious this is a well known and well documented fact about humans.
Obviously, men should always seek to make the most of all their efforts, but NOT to the end of appeasing a woman's materialism.
Now though we have all these women who saw the rise of this "tradwife" movement, see that it offers maximum benifit with the lowest investment and responsibility and suddenly we've got all these women who want to be tradwives just as much a a woman who's hit the wall...
They changed their tactics but their agenda is the same.
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Hit the gym, get your finances together, develop multiple incomes, be introspective and work on yourself, find a tribe to be part of, a good group of guys of like mind with goals. Challenge yourself, first in small ways (Cold showers, going on hikes) and ease into bigger things (save a certain amount, invest a certain amount, create a passive income).
As you grow, don't let anyone derail you, don't flex or brag, be critical about who you give your time and attention to.
You got this King and I've been there, but we all die some day, few of us really live, and life is all fight so embrace that fight, embrace that struggle, because it's that struggle that makes us stronger so long as you never give up.
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Man not many have simped like I have in the past, got guns pulled on me cause she got me into fights-stayed, she broke a liquor bottle over the back of my head cause I didn't want to argue-still stayed, lost all my friends cause she dragged them into the drama-still stayed, massive amounts of arguments and overt gaslighting-still stayed.
It's been a while and I've learned so much, wish these kinds of channels were around back then, but I'm doing good now and so I'll say this, the sooner you stop simping, the sooner you'll get your peace back, if that means being completely and utterly alone, it's still far far better to be alone and on your purpose than to simp even once.
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 @sofiya9212 if we were a normal society is a bold statement.
I'm a millennial and my grandpa was the man of the house at 9yrs old, completely responsible for bringing the food home or his family would starve.
My friends grandpa was kicked out of home at that same age and started working his first job very shortly after.
If we lived in a healthy society, physically grown adults wouldn't behave as they do, I can't even say children because children less than 100yrs ago were more logical and responsible than most adults today.
She is not simply legally a adult, she is physically as well, the fact that you don't respect that she can make informed decisions of her own is either sharing my sentiment above in which case removing freedom is not the solution, or you're simply jealous of her and or hate him.
What both of them really need are some decent values, but they are who they are and both will suffer for it. No one is feeling sorry for either of them because they will never develop deep personal connections and in the end will die alone, while possibly rich, it won't fill that void.
But the pendulum will swing and I have no desire to stop it, but let it follow its usual course. I'm not aware of any culture which has fallen to the depths the west has and has come back from it unscathed, and that is entirely deserved.
This girl is a feminist and she will get what she deserves for that. Neither of them will understand the good that is a deep personal connection and I think that's a fitting punishment.
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 @nikkiidomagala when I was 19 I heard that women will be more attracted to married men, so I did a experiment. I bought a cheap gold band and wore it for 2 weeks before returning it.
In those two weeks I had more women approach me in the entire year prior.
The second stage of this experiment was to sneakily let slip that I was single, not actually married and see how they reacted. Half immediately stopped talking to me and by the end of the second week none talked to me.
It was then that I realized all these 304s that had talked to me were egotistical and just trying to see if they could steal another woman's man. It dawned on me then, "do I look desperate to you?" "Do I look like I don't have the balls to leave a bad relationship or turn it around?" "Do you take me for a simp?" "Do you really think I'm going to be in a relationship with someone that I don't care about and that my loyalty can be so easily bought?"
When a person disrespects your significant other, they are DIRECTLY and indirectly disrespecting you and your significant other at the same time.
That is of course unless you are any of those things then you just have shame.
So I absolutely agree with you, I think the only area of a differing approach is how we respond and the reason I respond the way I do is simple, in order for society to come back from this low that it is in, that kind of behavior needs to be shamed. I know a lot of people are afraid of being called judgmental, intolerant ect but frankly I am intolerant of bad behavior and society is of some behavior like theft, murder ect it's just societies standards are low and dropping lower, the only way to stop it is to push back against it and I think the responsibility for that lies mostly on men's shoulders though they may not even be primarily at fault, but it is simply how social and societal dynamics very clearly work be it in one on one interactions or voting patterns, it's evident top to bottom.
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Hey man, I was doing the same thing when I was your age.
I HIGHLY advise you to save, invest, but gold, in fact I'm gonna dare you to put $100.00 aside for a few things over the next month.
1: Gold, 2: a house, 3: some investment which could include a retirement fund if you don't already have one.
Getting started is the hardest part but don't worry about it to much, just set that aside in a envelope, even if it's just $10.00. I promise you, time FLYS!
Additionally I'm gonna challenge you to find at least one way to invest in yourself and increase your ability, be it going to school to get your helicopter pilots license or helicopter mechanic certs, or by finding all the benifits you can get out of the company you work for and getting every single cent out of it as you can to improve your standing.
If you do these things, by the time you're 38yrs old you'll be doing ridiculously good!
Don't try to figure it all out, just pick a direction and pull the trigger, figure it out as you go and don't forget to enjoy the process.
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I wasn't going to respond to this because there's not much that can really be said, obviously nothing can make that suffering go away, but the reason I do respond is because of this.
When we hold grudges, even ones that are completely justified, it disturbs our peace, even if we don't think about it the majority of the time, it IS part of our identity, the way we respond and react to it are from the perspective of the age we were when it happened, not from our current perspective, and we carry that baggage with us and it unfortunately effects us, even if we are aware of how it influences our behavior and emotions to this day, we cannot heal while holding on, and, healing is the ultimate justice for you.
Regardless of if you heal or not, is seems clear to me that we all will be held accountable for what we have done in this life, otherwise why do humans have issues with self discipline but animals live by nature? It's not because of iq because there are a lot of people with lower iq than some animals (obviously there is more to intelligence than iq), but to me this paints the picture of a spiritual (of sorts) battle.
In any case, regardless of if you are religious or not, it is clear that when we give those things up, when we let it go, we heal and are raised up.
You should be proud of your hard work, you should love yourself but obviously not to any narcissistic degree, love though, like a parent should love a child.
When we are kids, ideally our parents discipline and teach us, but when we are out on our own, we have to be our own parent, love yourself like you love a child, and though this love you can let go of that pain, because there is no question of if you are strong or not, you've proven that clearly.
And, it's not just important to heal for yourself, but so that you are made more able to influence those around you for good.
Many of us have reasons why we can be bitter, many of us have been hurt, but if we want to build a better world where such things don't happen to others, we need to let go of our pain (without obviously losing perspective of the evil that we and others have suffered) and focus on building a world that is wholesome, and you absolutely cannot have a wholesome world without having justice which will be done.
Pain begets bitterness begets hate begets pain and the cycle goes on.
Righteousness is in proper measure grace and justice and justice will always be done.
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7:01
See this is where my mind has gone recently.
We all need to be leveling up, myself included, i would like to be a help to men out there who are serious about leveling up, but can only help so much (not much at all) and so I gotta level up first.
If I saw that dude come in even one time to my gym, I'd be talking with him, I'd be trying to learn as much as I can, I would absolutely do my best to vacuum up any info and help he had to give and do my damndest to reciprocate.
A car is a easy ice breaker and hes the one bringing it, if he's willing, I want to surround myself with people stronger than me, smarter than me, more successful than me, that way I can learn and grow and do better in any and every way possible. Funny cause they say as you age you slow down but thats absolutely not the case for me, if anything i have more energy, drive and discipline than ever before plus a lot more information than I had when I was 19, in a better headspace, know how to leverage stress and turn it into a strength and tap in to that endless supply of masculine energy.
If I could give any advice to all guys out there, young or old, is to build up a group of good men of all ages around you, approach them, talk to them, be bluntly honest as to why you want to talk to them and what you hope to gain. Ive spoken with a lot of older gentlemen who have been left alone, wife divorced them, kids went off to college and never came back, so dude is sitting there with multiple properties, no debt, but also, few if any friends or anyone to pass their wisdom or knowledge on to.
Its stupid because boomers and gen-x had a ton of potential, worked hard, economy wasn't completely fucked, they put in the work and accumulated a lot over their years, just to have feminism come in and take the people that they did all that for.
They didnt have internet, no YT, no red pill, so when feminism came in there was no real opposition to it and it wreaked havoc uncontrollably.
We could all play the blame game, or we can work together to create a future that might not suck as bad for future boys and men, and if anyone is going to lead any nation towards positive change, it will ONLY be the men.
So tribe up!
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Thing is men need to grow a spine and slap back, obviously not towards all women, not towards women at all, but towards degeneracy in all including other men. In order for this to happen, things need to get worse, when they get worse men will continue to stand up of their own accord, we're out here for each other, we don't need to be coddled, we need to become disciplined monsters of strength and virtue. Griffin out here making men great again! He's genuinely a hero, this kind of stuff is what saves young men from making horrible decisions, hopelessness and suicide.
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@johnsampson6387Â maybe that's what this can boil down to, with guys at least. I love being in the water, surfed through my teen years, went cliff jumping, wound up on a swim team ect.
Went to Hawaii twice and quit smoking both times cause I couldn't stay out of the water and would go out swimming for about 3hrs at a time, come back in, try to smoke, felt like crap, went back out and felt like I was gonna drown for about 20minutes before starting to feel better. So I have a bit of a affinity with water, but combine that with cold showers/baths and the dopamine spike you get from it and I just really like being in water. So that definitely plays a role in it for me, if I hadn't done or didn't enjoy those things as much as I do I probably wouldn't like showers as much as I do, even a short shower is nice, though baths take to long so I probably take a bath once every three years or so.
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Depends on what your definition of normal is and who the guy is.
A friend once asked me what percentage of women in the US I thought were worth trying to date, not even wife material, at the time I said maybe 3%, our younger friend said 15%, and the friend who asked and was older than both of us said .05%
As time passed I agreed with him and moved that percentage, I think .05% might be a ok sample size but out of that those that are marriage material are probably closer to .005% or less.
Though I don't date based on appearances, I'll hang out as friends and get to know her, her family, her friends for at least 3 months, if at that point in time I don't know, then I already know.
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8:11
Griff, stop believingthe first thing you hear especiallyif its from a jaded woman, he had jobs during that 15yrs just not a career, she was a career woman and made more money than him, and while i think men should always work to improve themselves, this guy was old when he purposed to her, its not like they got shacked up right out of high school so its not like she didnt have any understanding of reality.
Additionally, the media was the one asking if he should pay, she just didnt want to pay alimony before.
And, if the story isnt crazy enough, he forgot the tickets at the store and returned the next day to see if they had them, they did, he checked and he won, he gave the store clerk who kept them for him a unknown amount of money but seems to have changed his life as well.
So while he may be lacking in ambition, you'll have to forgive a old man for that. She divorced over money, money was her focus, her love, her obsession, not love. So why should her lack of love and inability to commit to at least two marriages be rewarded?
Sure she shouldn't have to pay alimony, but he shouldn't have to pay her a dime.
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Low confidence stems from outcome dependency and insecurity.
When you dont care about the outcome then suddenly the insecurities vanish.
Why is it you can talk to random people like other guys and never even flinch? Its because you arent invested.
But when you see some beautiful woman your mind jumps to what could be, anticipation sets in, you see something that doesn't even exist and think that you could lose that and suddenly you're scared, you start thinking of how you're gonna do this right and how you're gonna make her like you, but you dont even know if you like who she is. Is she a cheater? Is she a 304? Is she superficial or is she interesting? You dont know but you assume because you're thinking with the smaller of your two heads.
Stop, you're making stupid assumptions and lets be real, what are the chances you even like her when you get to know her?
So practice talking to women you arent intrested in, you have nothing to lose and youll begin to realize that when you arent so invested people will actually like you for simply not putting on a act, and if they don't, who cares, you weren't invested anyway, and once youve done this a handful of times, talking to beautiful women and not being insecure becomes easy.
Also, just like you shouldnt assume that you like some random beautiful chick, you should also stop assuming that people wouldnt like you, just stop making dumb assumptions and live because at the end of the day, you're the one who was always there for yourself, you know all the ups and downs, you know the struggle, the one whos got your back most is yourself and if someone dosent like you thats fine, and if they do great, thats only half the equation because we all know in this modern environment theres more of a chance that you dont like them than you do, but go find out, believe me, it wont take long to figure it out and then you can move on or if you do like each other, move forward.
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 @thewaywardgrape3838 absolutely agree!
I'm married now, started dating her at 26yrs old and I started the relationship by saying, word for word, this :"I can't read minds so I don't know what you're looking for or if you've even thought about that, but if we do end up dating just know, it's not me joining your life, it's not us joining our lives, it's you joining mine and I will have the final say in every decision I feel and if you don't like that, there's the door. *points at the door*"
She said ok and has been submissive ever since, a fantastic wife, now a fantastic mother.
I fully expected her to leave, and kinda wanted her to so I could focus on my life.
That being said I spent the next 6yrs studying hard, like 5hrs a day 6 days a week, haven't hit the lottery so to speak, but I'm getting very close.
Considering how bad the dating market is these days, I'm glad I'm not single, but even at the time I met my wife I had decided I wasn't doing relationships anymore, hence why I said what I did and expected her to leave, but when she submitted, I thought I'd give her a chance, and I'm glad I did really.
A key point here though, is that she is 8yrs younger than me, I really don't think guys should even consider dating until they are around 26-30 and not date women who are any less than 5yrs younger than him, that age difference causes her to see you as a authority figure, and if a woman dosent respect you, she will never trust you or feel secure with you. Respect is paramount.
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Yeah, even then I'd want some of my own and then train them all to be modern day warlords.
But, back when I was a simp I did date a single mom, I did end up being the father figure for him and he loved me because I taught him, teaching him also taught me a lot, I'd be giving him red pills that I didn't even live by and then realize I wasn't taking my own advice.
What really sucked though when that relationship ended was that I wouldn't be there for him and she wound up using him against me, she would bring him in to my workplace (that was public), make sure me and him saw each other and would basically taunt me with him, the worst part is that he wanted to come talk to me, he missed me and you could see how sad he was when she wouldn't let him, that right there was the real heart break, seriously fucked up.
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"Friendships are not formed with us as with you, over the wine cup. Nor are there considerations of age or neighborhood. When we see a brave man who is capable of valiant deeds, to him we all turn our attention. Friendship with us, is like courtship with you."
When Alexander the Great entered the region around Taxila, the ruler of Taxila came out to meet with him and is said to have asked
"To what purpose should we make war on one another? If the design of your coming to these parts be not to rob us of our water or our necessary food, which are the only things which wise men are indispensably obliged to fight for. As for other riches and possessions as they are accounted in the eye of the world, if I am better provided of them than you, I am ready to let you share with me, but if fortune has been more liberal to you than me, I have no objection to be obliged to you."
This discourse pleased Alexander so much that embracing him he is said to have stated
"Do you think your kind words and courteous behavior will bring you off on this interview without a contest?! No, you shall not escape so. I shall contend and do battle with you so far that how obliging soever you are, you shall not have the better of me."
"The receiving some presents from the ruler of Taxila, he returned him others of still greater value and to complete his bounty gave him in money ready coin 1000 talents."
It's interesting to me how there seems to have been a period of romance in the west, where reciprocation became less common, and relationships less respectful.
Now, it is ironic that upon the reduction of relationships to transactional exchanges we might have a opportunity to revive some very healthy old customs, upon which trust was once built through transparency, time and good character.
Evidence of sincerity in real time.
It is however entirely up to men which direction we chose to go, that of the scheming, underhanded coin clippers, or that of men who can look each other in the eyes with their egos in tact and their motives and intentions clear.
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I think this primarily applies to women. As a father myself I love my son of course and am absolutely blessed to have the responsibility of training him into a man, but men don't get baby fever and do a lot better alone, plus, it seems to be more common that when a older man speaks in a instructional way to a younger man or group of younger men that they give him a basic level of respect, than not.
I've spoken to a lot of older men from 50 all the way up to probably close to 100yrs and even if they are just sharing stories of their childhood its great to hear their perspective and experiences, the best word I could use is that it is enriching.
In this way, even a single man can be a father figure to young men, he may not see their growth or witness their success and failures, but the whole dynamic seems to be that men don't deeply need to have that huge family. Women on the other hand are insecure by their nature, it is why they are hypergamous, they must attain that safety and security, and when they are old and alone, even if they had children who went their separate ways, if that woman is without a close bond to them or the man she created it with, she will always be extremely sad and bitter.
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