Hearted Youtube comments on Psychology Case files (@psychologycasefiles4082) channel.
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I have schizophrenia. For some reason, we excel in certain aspects, way beyond the abilities of normal people. But then we fail at everything else. I hate it. I am supposedly a mechanical and electronics genius that can fix everything. But what good is that if I can not get a career in that because I am insane? I tire of people saying things like, "You are a genius." No, I am not a genius. I am defective. It is just that I concentrate on the abilities I have, not the ones I lack. As for the voices in my head and horrible background mental static, those may be demons, ghosts, beings from other dimensions, but more likely, it is only insanity. Neurons that are firing when they should be resting are causing the audio hallucinations. The thing is, when a drug combination was found to quiet the mental noise and voices, it was the loneliest time in my life. It crippled me. I do not know how people can live that way. I had to end the drug regimen in order to return the background noise and voices. I have no friends. Thus, the voices become my friends and a part of me, even when they say negative things. It is not a psychic ability. It is a mental disease that I can not live with it and can not live without it. I hate it!
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I went to a psychologist recently, by the end of the first session he had thought I perhaps had Bipolar 1 (psychiatrists are impossible to get right now its difficult). We'll see how that develops, however it's super upsetting to see some comments that think this isn't real, because I wouldn't expect someone else to think its real either- and I don't blame them. It's actually really upsetting because should I be formerly diagnosed, what do I do with that information?
Why would I ever tell anyone? I don't want to be a victim, so why would I even bother? I personally don't want any special treatment, but the saddest thing in the world is to be authentically yourself, and have people not believe you.
I get it and would never be mad at anyone for thinking this is weird or ''fake'. I think implicitly within the traits of bipolar or someone of high intellect can in fact come charisma, not necessarily from being 'smart' but perhaps perceptive and self reflecting enough to constantly think about how others perceives you (my marketing degree sure doesn't help with this fact).
You spend your younger years extremely self conscious (like most) but I think with something like bipolar it can manifest into an almost deluded sense of paranoia. This is extremely comforting to watch, but extremely painful to read the comments- because I don't blame you guys, and I wish I wasn't like this. I wish I was normal.
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